Some things are like just out of a dream.

I can’t believe its happening to me.

Well. THURS. I went to school pretty happy… carrying along my huge bigger-than-a2 sized black mounting boards filled with lots of paper cut outs.

But then. Something just had to go and spoil the whole day. The projects.
Yeah. The freaking geography presentation and the art puppet show script. On my own accord, I would have done it by then. But then. It was GROUP work. So of course I was not willing to sacrifice all my science-test-studying-time for it. Since after all, EVERYONE was going to get the credit so EVERYONE had to do it. I know that sounded pretty selfish… but SERIOUSLY. I can work for 4 hours straight on powerpoint slides and do the whole thing really well with animations and all. But with projects I just do slip short work. I just quickly stuff the whole thing together in like, half an hour? Because im thinking: some people in the group just DON'T deserve this standard of work.

JUST SAY IT. I’m a highly competitive work freak. Yeah. That’s who I am. But I think I’ve really laxed up more this year already. From last year. Anyway. I don’t know why but I was just so frustrated with the whole world and everything that I even cried during art. I cried because of the unmet fantasies I had about secondary school. In smps I would dream. I would conjure up pictures of the wonderful freedom and life in secondary school. Of the wonderful new friends I would make.

But you know? Nothing seemed to materialize into reality. I guess that was just stupid wishful thinking on my part. Throw in the added stress. the fact that nobody seemed to really care about the projects we had to do. Everyone seemed to be joking around. And then. Guilty of human nature, I decided to peek over the fence. And however tempting it was, I knew it was a BIG MISTAKE. I envied. I coveted. The lush green grass in the pastures over the hills. Compared to the relatively scorched and barren field I was in then. And then I started to tear. Because I wasn’t FIT enough to CLIMB OVER THE FENCE. I would NEVER get to those green pastures. I wasn’t good enough to pull myself over. The most I could do was just sit there and pine.
Of course. There was the other possibility of trying to restore my own unfertile land. I tried. I really did. I poured countless buckets of water. Packets of fertilisers. yet nothing seemed to yield. Sure, there were the few happy moments when little blades of grass would start sprouting, and sometimes even a flower. But all those were short-lived. Locusts came and ate up every inch of grass.

Now I know you’re extremely confused now because of the over usage of metaphors but that’s what I really feel. Anyway, I don’t blame you for not understanding. This is just my own personal rants and has nothing (I think) to do with you.